I Go To Rio
  Here's the map of my Rio Marathon-Doesn't it look beautiful?...

I think race organisers went to the same schools as used car salesman and real estate agents. They are very good at highlighting the positives and hiding the negatives, from their race information. However, there is no way you can hide them on the day of the race. Have a look at the Rio marathon map above, doesn’t it look like a glorious run, the beautiful blue sea and sky (great if you are a bird or fish), the colourful beach umbrellas every 25km! (Gee they are going to come in handy) and how can anything go wrong with the big fella on the hill watching our every move.

I am getting more marathon savvy though, and just like people who have been looking to buy a house for a few years, I’m starting to cut through all the race jargon, here are a list of the definitions I’ve come up with for race descriptions.

Undulating=bring you altitude sickness pills; sea breezes=gale force head winds; Scenic= you see some stuff when you are running; Winding course= steer clear if you suffer from motion sickness; Cool climate= wear thermals (especially in Europe); Natural Beauty= trees, hills and dirt paths and maybe the odd animal; Road-=42.2km of blistering bitumen; Mostly downhill=mostly uphill; Good First Marathon-=you may survive; Plenty of Toilets= go before you leave home;

It’s taken 8 weeks but I can say that my training is right on track, in fact for the first time ever, I am ahead of myself. That was thanks to Lance who only got in front of the Fab Five once on Saturday morning but it had to be on the part where we were to turn around, that would end us at 28km. I could see the Minti Street bus stop it was as beautiful as the Taj Mahal to me after 2.5hours of running. I was watching Lance thinking when he turns at the bus stop then I will turn, he is just about there, he is going to turn, yes a few more metres and he will turn, he is at it the bus stop…now he will turn…he has gone past it....turn....he is still running…turn you bloody idiot. You don’t want to know what passed between Dennis and me at this point but it sounded something like this
….F#$...arghhhh....F#!**....Lance”. I tried yelling, no avail I tried speeding up, but of course the legs were having none of that, so I had to keep running and pray he would come to his senses at the next half km. Dennis thought he may have been going to the 30km turn around point, the bridge, to which I thought well he may as well throw himself off it, the pain will be less than what I was going to dish out. Common sense prevailed, Lance turned at the 29km turn around, and started running back to us with a broad grin on his face and when he saw the daggers Dennis and I were giving, he just shrugged his shoulders and said “What”.We all turned and ran back...29km in all. I felt great afterwards; I even nearly forgave Lance for the extra km (nearly, not quite).

Now you would think that a 29km run starting at 5am on a Saturday morning would be enough activity for one day. But oh no, the day is but young...why not go home and get showered and drive 1.5hours to Brisbane to go Pole Dancing...yes you heard it pole dancing.

When I got married 25 years ago, I had what was known to be a Hen's party, the week before the big event. It involved an afternoon tea where I spent the day going around my aunts and grandparents with little cup cakes and real pots of tea, oh dear how things have changed. My niece’s hen’s party started at 11am with high tea and games! Then off to learn Pole Dancing in the Valley for two hours and then off to the nightclubs until 2am. The pole dancing was very interesting and I’m told its good exercise however it seems to require some degree of co- ordination and flexibility, of which I have none.

At one stage I was hanging onto the pole and the instructor said, "lift your right leg", which I did, she said it a couple of more times, and then I heard my 15 year old hiss from her pole “Mum lift your leg”, “I am” I hissed back, however when I looked down my right leg was about two inches off the ground, whilst everyone elses legs were up to their hips. If you are an avid reader of my blogs you will know that I often talk to my legs and they in turn give me some feedback, so in this instance I said “Oh come on you guys, surely you can lift it a bit higher than that. You are making a fool of me”
I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back, they went into a tirade, "It’s not enough that we dragged your sorry arse (and the rest of you) not 28km as you promised but 29km at some ridiculous hour this morning, and then you have the nerve to expect us to now lift ourselves over your head  just so you are not embarrassed in front of these girls who are twenty years your junior, then you have another thing coming”.
How could I argue with that, so I just slunk into corner and drank champers and ate chocolates all afternoon. At least that got me back into the good books with the legs, God knows I haven’t yet mentioned the 30km run they have to do in a couple of weeks, I'm keeping that one above the hips at this stage!

My week also involved getting myself organised for South America. Six weeks to go means I need to apply for a Visa and have my immunisations. As I have moved to Coolum and have no doctor here, I thought I would visit Doctor Tina a Coolum Lazy Runner who works at the local medical centre. She was pleased to see me and even happier that she could inflict a little bit of pain on me by the way of encouraging me to not only have the Yellow Fever immunisation but also the Tetanus shot. I trained Tina to run the Gold Coast marathon last year and she seemed to look a little too gleeful when she was instructing the nurse to stick pins in me. Tina’s view is the Tetanus would be good in case I encountered any bats which are common to South America, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I think she is a little too late with her bat advice!

Trying to keep in front of your training is always hard and I've quickly realised that with two days in Brisbane for work this week and then off to the wedding (4 hours west) on the weekend, that it won't take me long to lose the lead I've built up...I wonder if anyone has tried pole dancing on every continent..just a thought!

6 Weeks to Rio


Things have not been so good at home this week, one of my longest and dearest relationships is in trouble. It’s been hard, we have both tried but we don’t see eye to eye any longer, the communication has gone and I’m afraid our differences are irreconcilable. My hamstrings and I are on the verge of breaking up!
It’s quite sad really, we have had a long and mostly happy relationship, oh don’t worry we have had our ups and downs, I think the English marathon may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. There is no one else involved, however I have had strong suspicions that Little Miss Gluteus Minumus has some part to play in our problems, but basically we have just let our relationship slip. For a long time I have suspected him of being addicted to Voltaren but if I say anything he just points out the empty wine bottles under the sink, I just can’t win.
It’s become one continuous struggle trying to live together, he just goes on and on at me, nagging and nagging. He has changed, he has turned into the jealous, bossy type...when I run with the boys on Monday evening, I never hear the end of it on the way home in the car and he keeps me up all night whinging and moaning,  anyone would think I was out at the clubs all night. And he has got so bossy and demanding, he won’t let me do anything anymore. The other day I dropped a dollar and he wouldn’t even let me pick it up, my God I will go broke at this rate. And after a long drive to Brisbane, he won’t even let me get out of the car straightaway, I have to wait until he is ready to move, he is driving me crazy.
It wasn’t always like this you know, I remember the days when we were young and happy, I would say jump and he would say how high, literally! I would say touch your toes and he would touch the ground way out in front. And he never complained not a word, but now he never shuts up.
Oh we have tried mediation (yoga) and the poor instructor could see we were at odds with each other, she tried to help, but he just wouldn’t co-operate, wouldn’t even move, and then he had to go into some ridiculous spasm, it was embarrassing we had to leave. It is so hard to take him places these days, you never know if you are going to get back home without him making a huge scene.
I’m thinking of leaving him, I’ve even considered the D word (drugs that is), but he won’t have any of it, he's the old fashioned type, he believes "what God has joined let no man separate".  I would of left a long time ago if it wasn’t for the kids (oh I mean the calves), those poor little buggers shouldn’t have to go through what they go through and they never complain, they are the ones I feel for, they are the reasons I stay in this miserable relationship.
We want to give it one more go, we thought is we could just hang in until our 8th anniversary ( Rio marathon), if we can just get past that, then maybe we have a chance. Maybe afterwards we could go on a second honeymoon and try to get the love back, but in the meantime it’s like living with the enemy!
You can probably tell that my training has kicked in and things are not so good in the marathon camp. I hate training.
However, I did run more than last week...which wasn’t so hard to do.
20km with the boys on Monday, got drenched in the last couple of km, what else is new?
I ran a speedy (for me) 11 km in Coolum Friday evening (under 53mins) struggled all the way...what else is new?
10km with Mooloolaba on Saturday morning, then 8km in the evening…now that is new!
7km on Sunday morning….then 10km on Sunday evening….well that's the plan at this stage!
That's 67 km in total
I'm also at that part of the training program where I need to think about my diet and lifestyle...I hate this part. I've decided to give up alcohol, or at least attempt to until after Rio marathon. Now I can't swear on the bible that it will happen, but I'm sure  there will be plenty of swearing over the next 6 weeks.

 Click here for four weeks to Rio













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